Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Is there anything for Me???

"hey psycho!! where are you?? am unable to contact you... hey how long has it been that you talked to her.. I think you should give her a call.. 9 9 8 6 7 . . ... ..." erupted my A Mac (my answering machine..) .

Me: "think we should go out for dinner tonight..."
Her : "well okk I'll call him also.. his mood isnt dat good.. u know.. dinner wud be a good idea.. so wat time " she replied.
Me: " 8 wud b fine!! I'll be there to",
Her : " I'll inform him.. I'llll come with him only . see you there!!".

n like always this wud b a dinner to lighten sumone's mood... not that I hav problems . he's more a friend of mine than her. but why I just cudnt understand it could b just the two of us for once maybe.

Me: "hey how bout this one? "
Her: "its good...."
Me: "okk n this one.. I think the checks look good .."
Her: " .. how could he do this to her .. how could anyone do sumthing...like " she repeated..,
Me: " hey whats up .. u r ok!! is sumthing wrong " I shouted the third time.
Her: "ya.. actually no...u know I talked to Priya in the eve , my friend..I mentioned the other day.. "
Me: " ya .. so wat bout her... she's fine?" is all I needed to say before..
Her: " she was in tears.. poor girl.. this guy.. they were seeing each other since college days and he just broke up with her.. I never liked him ever .. but she was a fool .. to trust him blindly.. he just messaged her n it was over.. over just like dat. I mean wat now, what bout her.. she's crying.. n alone there I cant even be with her.. she's so... "

2 hrs.. n it would hav continued for more had she not got thirsty n needed a few drops of water .. I dropped the idea of shopping.. for then.. or maybe forever.. even the shopkeeper had tears in his eyes.. though I wonder the reason behind them.

Me: "where are you? " ,
Her: , ".... ya I think the blue one looks better.. ", came the answer.
Me: " how do u know m wearing my fav blue shirt today " ,almost surprised.
Her: " what?? wait a sec, try this one also.." ,
Me: what?? " hey what are u upto.. ",
Her: " i'll call u back. we are here in the mall... shopping for him.. he's leaving today in the eve...by e.",
Me: " but..." .

ya why not. has to b busy shopping. afterall he's leaving today... one less for relief.. she's too busy always.. his call.. her boyfriend.. his exam .. her paper.. his health.. his headache,, his girl.. her guy... heck... I just want a minute for me. n why do these ppl dont get to doing things by themselves. she's not his girlfriend... she's not... she's not..my....girlfriend .. then why do I..

Me: "what plans for the eve? " (let's see...)
Her: " what plans?? you hav got to study, its ur exam in a week.. come on.. u shud better.. "
(what does she think of herself ...)
Me: " u know wat u shud better keep ur mouth shut.. who do u think u are... I know what I shud do.. u think m no good.. I cannot clear that paper... right? that's wat u think madame' u think u r too intelligent for me. well.. stop it now.. stop pretending.. miss goody two shoes.. dont u get tired. u know wat u cannot be the saviour for all.. n solve everyone's problems.. they call you two faced at ur back.. dont u know dat... or u dont care.. or ur so called friends dint tell u this one bit of necessary for u info... ohhhooo poor girl. m just fed up... he has to go to hospital.. she has to go shopping... she needs me.. he needs company... we need to cheer him up... ohh hell... will u stop it for once... ever in 24 hrs of the day.. do you think bout me.. ??? "
Her: " I ... u know... am sorry.. I thought atleast you.. newaz m sorry I actually am.. all the best ",
Me: " yaaa okkk... watever "...

wat did I do..I just cannot be without talking to her.. n she's actually not that bad.. she isnt bad.. she's just concerned... she's always been bout me ... ohh wat did I do... this big mouth I should hav given one thought.. I really hurt her.. her eyes they had so many unasked questions... like .. ohh no... how m I gonna call her back... usually wenever we fight she calls back.. n all's fine.. u know its like she's never hurt... I even called her heartless few times.. but she's just.. she'll still be there for you.. n sumwhere I knew the answer to my ques. she was never needed to say it.. n maybe this is what she always was telling me.. that I can see it in her eyes... n if I cant.. she is never gonna say it.. but ... m human.. I need to hear it.. neone would.. she cares.. she shows not.. but she does wat noone would do.... she is hurt.. she speaks not.. but she keeps on smiling.. n watever,.. m not gonna call her... let her be... m really angry this time... but she's hurt...

Her: " hey , just called to say All the best!!.. I hav got to leave.. "
Me: " okk why are u even telling me.. as if I care.. go on.. go shopping.. who needs ur company now... "
(she thinks she's smart.. but m happy she called... was just afraid.. its been two days... n I cud never .. I was angry.. no actually more than that.. I was wrong.)
Her: " m leaving, for home.. have to.. actually ",
Me: (what now?? )" whatttt?? why??? now where did dis come up from... " ( this is not done...)
Her: " its important.. n then u know afterall its them I was here.. "
Me: (heck !! ) " ya!! why m I asking... of course mam...who knows better than me .. ur life is for them.. ur decisions for them.. ur time for all of them.. ur smile for him. ur tears for her. Is there anything.. anything at all for Me?? " ..
Her: " You.. "
Me: (this is just.. ) "of course how can I forget..millions of disconnected calls , thousands of those unsent SMSes, humdreds n hundreds of reasons.. go to hell!! do watever u have to.. plzzz..dont tell me.."
I hung up.
my A Mach was still beeping...

call 'her' after how many?... three years.. he's kidding .

hell why would I.. hav got better things to do.. m too tired .. this conference.. gotta sleep ...
what time is it... 2:00 in the morn... haaa... she can still bother me.. why did he even have to mention her .. like after all these years.. I am not gonna call her..
what was the number?? 9 9 8 6..what.. okk its ringing .. not answering?? no wonder.. must b busy with sumone's problem... its 2:00 am .. plzz b a little considerate dumbo.. n dont use her lingo.. okk I'll try one more time... 9 9 8... busy!!! why m I even bothered.. go to wherever..

Him: " hey.. where have you been.. outta reach all these days.. I tried so many times.. " ..
Me: "had this conference.. off to Liverpool.. i got ur message, but why did u mention.. " ...
Him: " look am already halfway.. its near to ur place, u wont take long... if u leave now.. it'll b just 15 minutes...meet me there.. "
Me: " hey who.." (... cremation ground.. ??? why was he talking like that.. he has never ever .. was he crying.. possibly not.. he never .. but hav to meet him... )

where is he now?? okk gotcha!! hope .. hope wat?? I dont even know wats...
Me: " hey.. its okk.. it'll be fine.. wh.. ", n he started
Him: " I wish , it could have been... she's been so strong.. she's always been.. u know how.. she used to.. I'm gonna miss her .. I really m gonna... I tried to contact u.. but.. guess she could not wait any longer "
(he was crying.. I could not believe my eyes.. )
Me: " m sorry.. I should have been here.. "
Him: " ya.. u shud.. this is for you "

?????? he put a neatly folded paper in my hand... he can say it.. he neednt " what is this ??? " he was talking to sumone.. sumone I know too.. hey I know a lot of ppl here or do I... n I unfolded it..
Hey, I dont know where to start from..
I know u did well in ur exam.. I always knew u would .. :)
I just wanted to give u your answer..
I know I never say nething...
but if not now.. I wont ever get to..
the last time we talked u asked me, if there was anything...
maybe I never had the time as u wanted,
maybe I never had the right words, or never the right occassion..
all I had for u was "Me" , well nothing that could be counted..
n maybe I could never understand you.
It was good for you to move on. I was no good.
n m happy today as you are happy in your life.
n u know I was talking to him today.. he's got his girl finally he's happy..
he always talks bout u...
m really happy for him.. hav u met the girl.. u must have.. she's beautiful..
I started again.. like always.
by the time u read this I dont think i'd even be able to say sorry by myself.
take care, all the best.
n ya I missed you.

hell, what is this.. ? what m I missing here ??

Me: " hey who gave you this.. ? "
Him: " you know.. I gave you her number, she's been hospitalized.. ten days.. she never let me talk to u bout her.. n yesterday she gave me this.. well.. u know I was there till late.. n she was all smiles wen I left. she was cheering me up.. I just wonder.. I .. n at 2:00 am in the night.. she!! ohhh her face still "
(aaah... m .. but .. u ... ohh u stupid girl... I was.. I knew ..always.. I just..)
" wait where are u going.. they have.."

.. where.. no.. I want to see her.. she cannot.. I know her.. she's a strong girl.....
I.. stop.. wait for me... she cant.. u cannot do this to me...

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