Sunday, February 22, 2009

unheard.. would still be never heard... ;)

aim less u cal it n its me.. longg journey no destination, is there a path or not m wondering now tooo.. but to no use I know its tooo late. what was I running after , what m I looking for.. is there nything left or is all lost n nothing in hand. welll achiever m not or m I .. I hav done till now a lot what is supposed to be impossible. I m still doing, I do it on my own , my will..

I would tell a lot , a lot have never said , but i cannot go back, m writing all what was never heard , never, is it ?

did I ever tell 'A' , he was a great friend , he'd know not now, he's busy , m busy too. there was a time we used to sip glasses of cc without break wondering why stars appear at night and why is moon so far away, and why do we still fight over issues that make no sense in the long run. I never told you I loved your company, you were the kid in me, n the adult in me, did u see. it was till that winter evening with very cold hands when I read it, n I had nothing in my mind , it was all blank , i wasnt thinking any thing, nothing at all, I just left , just left , left the kid and took the adult alongwith .. give me that day back once .. n I would just shout at you , n laugh it offf... I have loved you more than you can ever think , you are the friend who calls me buff.. n still expects me to turn , n dint I turn , I think I did, coz it was the love the kid in me had for the kid that were you. there's not much I remember , the dance that both of us enjoyed , coz we were together , n not coz of any other reason , the walks we had , do u still mourn over the lost days , dont tell me that ..I stilll carry a thousand stars we had walked underneath , the fog that we'd enjoy , the road trips that seemed unending , but it all comes to an end I guess.. I am the old one , they say, but I know you were always older than me,... ;)

I was a usual lier all time through , n did I ever realize till 'P' told me one day , you lied , I just walked by him, coz maybe he said sumthing I always knew, I was the one who's been lying all these years , but I never heard it , till he said it on my face. I told you, I dont think so, it was you I called when I wanted to have sumone alongside for that unusual walk, walk where u say , n I fight all along , but it al stays , stays with me till date , your friends did tease you by my name , I know , how it never bothered you , how did u keep your cool. , how come you never lied , I talked to you , found a reason , you were there even before a sorry came outta this big mouth of mine . You were there on that interview night and the early morning before your final practical we again roamed round the campus, I have done it alll, crazy stufff with you , running to nesci , just to get that coffeee, how much distance have I covered with you , al in circles it seems , we came back to the same point , you have defined what friendship is ? I failed a thousand times , you win throughout this game of life.

not long they say can one wait or someone; you defy all rules I say. 'N' , you have proved what love can be for sumone , its a long wait , 2.5 years you say , for sumone like me , who was just an average in looks and ok in nature , but it was a long wait . am happy you had to say it to me,.. the reaons I wont share but its good. you were there always to hear me out , hear me cry , hear me jump in joy , you were there , n m here still, love is not what I'd say, but m a friend, coz you've been a brilliant friend all this while , i hurt you, I did, but that's me , I wasnt comfortable , If u dint realize, there's a way I see things , you dont, its ideal for you , its too real for me , a little too practical am I.. I am not gonna get back your years , that went wasted , for me it was a longest friendship have seen running , thanks to you., where I never ran.. you never gave me a chance , coz you never came too close to even try grasp,you were close tat day, did I look into your eyes, I dint , u never seem to notice, but I always knew am ugly in looks and bad in nature, haa.. funny it sounds , anyways am a friend till I die.. give me that day back and I'll tell you I was still the same , just a little cold and fever , sorry is sumthing I wont say , you dont say it to friends, .. find a good girl , and I'll b there just to take a treat from my friend of good times n even bad ones .. ;)

I still recal how 'M' once sat besides, in one of her serene moods , said to me , why do u always let people go, one day u'll be all alone . It struck like a hot iron rod.. bang.. what.. what did u say.. I defended , if she actually heard me by saying , I just dont hold them on .. I leave them free.. she said what if they want to be held , just once , once by you...I can still feel the same way I felt that night, figuring out the great bear in the sky. I have always topld her a lot of things , and a lot more have I kept away , did I ever tell you , how your tears were always perfectly spherical, out of those small eyes of yours, u looked pretty . I did tell you m sure . You remember how, when I was leaving, u had moist eyes n I was laughing like anythimng , if you could just take me back in time . I'll tell you I was crying too.. Its just that m too shy I guess to show it. had it not been you , I doubt if I'd have survived so long .. m aweak gal , you are the strong one . I still love you more than you know who.n ya do you still make guys fall blindly for you...;)

hope you are fine 'M'.. ya I know you'll wonder why Iask now. after not having talked for like years now.. it seems many years, you were the one who put me on that stage, stage a place I never dreamt I'll even go near in a thousand more lives , we have had fun.. you wont remember , or how can u forget , u have many friends , of course come on , if not you who else, but think we did have sumthing just the two of us share , how we used to look at guys, how we were the unbeatable twosome , we have scared many a soul, or even if it was always you , it was fun , the unstoppable DJ night , did we stop or they had to put off the music I wonder , remember it was just the dog and us .. oops yess it was on that floor .. n then that rock night , we banged our heads .. no wonder its still badly damaged and shaken...we have had brilliant jam sessions just waking on the road, why do guys have all the fun rite ? who siad it .. meet us n we'll tell you, the day we were leaving how you came down from that rickshaw and you held me , no words were spoken , I know you held me tight, was there sumthing you wnated to say , I know it cud hav ended in a different way , but guess too much closeness does take you too far... too far is it? the distance even the distant noticed .. why ? lets just get back to the dance floor once again. :)