Monday, April 13, 2009

if ...


if I knew wat forgiveness was..
days that pass, without even thinking of you even once.. what was it that your eyes were saying.. repeatedly telling me.. shouting at me.. you came near .. stood for few minutes and time flew.. I lived every moment of being with you..
i knew I had to leave.. my days were counted back then.. ur phone call.. I missed.. u called back.. reluctant.. I picked.. you took your time.." come meet me.." I asked why.. what for.. maybe no need I saw.. like a baby you spoke , your voice still in store.. " meet me.. come on..." there was arelief .. I wasnt willing, for long I know how I could not resist.. how it was difficult for me to refuse.. tell you "no" am not gonna come..and how i could sense that you were aware of this helplessnes.. all along you knew.. I could not say No...
and today as if you knew am not gonna come.. and tat's the only reason I came.. this time this day... today only because you wanted me to come.. not me... I wont say I felt good.. but better.. much better... on that bench.. we sat together alone, a wall I sensed.. and a comfort I felt.. like never before..
u started with your usual talk bout the town.. and then come back to see yourself.. for once I saw you trying to pull away your sight from me.. not looking straight into these eyes..you had a lot to say tat day.. a lot you never say.. just keep away... you tried.. and finaly did u say sorry... you apologized.. you said sumthing.. i dint hear.. it was sumthing else you were saying behind those words.. I could hear.. your whispers.. you were so low...your voice was hardly reaching my ears.. but you did what I wanted you to do.. for long.. not coz it was wat I wanted.. coz this was what I wanted for you...
you asked me if we can be friends.. I said we are.. but how you knew .. u knew.. maybe this was not true.. friends we never were.. u asked again.. and I repeated we are friends.. I think it was there i told you ..its time for you to leave.. you turned back.. and again asked me.. can we ever be friends.. I said what I had twice.. but what was it that you were waiting for.. u left.. disappointed.. I smiled.. but to no use..
I think I dint tell you I forgave you long back.. its just tat today you dint even look into these eyes of mine..

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